A letter to my UnFair lady

I was warned that you -my unfair lady- are a dangerous one.  Demanding and very hard to get, let alone to please.

I've been watching you, have always been one step behind you, my deep fondness grew bigger, In silence. 

 Unconditionally, out of my control I found myself indulged in this one sided love story, Hoping that one day you will notice me, or give me a tiny bit of love back. But you never did.

My unfair lady, We both grew up really fast. I kept my silent promise of love to you. But you grew up to become this cold, heartless soulless prostitute, a beautiful prostitute that belongs to everybody now, everybody but me. They mold you, dress you up and dress you down, tag you, label you and then take it all away from you and leave you bare and weak to die a little bit more inside.

 it has been 10 years now since I first saw you. Its been 10 years I have been giving. It's been 10 years I've been watching you romancing their needs.

 I feel like sharing some of the experiences I had trying to prove myself to you but I will not because it hurts. It hurts how I've ended up being called your worst enemy and ultimate hater. Just because my love for you was coming in different ways other than your macho big powerful men would demonstrate their love to you. I would rather keep it to myself. And keep going.

After my last incident with your lover boys I found myself walking down a dark street singing أنا بانتظارك ملّيت" to myself. Am not sure how I felt, or didn’t feel. But I kept on walking, The sound of humming the one verse I know of the song slowly faded into a monotone soundscape of repetitive and chaotic turmoil flashbacks.

After a week getting lost in this turmoil, something hit me. I woke up. I broke free from the spell you had me under.

 And therefore my unfair lady, I'm going to declare my withdrawal of this battle of trying to grab your attention, love or appreciation. Call me a failure; call me a loser or a coward. Am grabbing what's left of my aching pride and moving on.

Maybe, only maybe I don’t deserve your love, or maybe you don’t deserve mine. 

Amman, I hope this will get through, And one day you will notice, understand and appreciate those who still have faith in you. Give them some justice, fairness and once take their side against  your  macho lover boys. 

PS : I will keep watching you from my roof top. that's only fair, to both of us